She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize