plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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