Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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