Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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