What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
