I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
