So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
