i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
