Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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