is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
