The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
