After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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