Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
