she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
