Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
