he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
