So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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