Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
