I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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