dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
