remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
