worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
