3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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