I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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