I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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