i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
