i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
