woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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