do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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