I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
