In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
