Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
