do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So many bounce houses so little time
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
