i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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