rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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