Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
