atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
