worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
