I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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