watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
