drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
