I'm eating all of the evidence.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
