dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
