I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
