I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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