Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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