can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
