he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize