am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
no, he came in my armpit
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
