I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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