Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
