I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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