We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
