I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
