I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
