While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
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I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
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She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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