What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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