Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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