I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
