Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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