i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
