Your tits are I can't wait for
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
