Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Screwed.edu
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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