Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
