i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Houston, we have a blender
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
