I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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