Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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