He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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