Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
