I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
