omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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