I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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